Thursday, February 10, 2011

Thursday is tracks night - A weekend for vampires

This week has been kind of a hell week due to how busy things have been at work. So, I've been listening to a lot of Vampire Weekend this week due to it's upbeat rhythms. No matter your mood, you can't help but form a big ass cheese eating grin, and I love cheese. So, Vampire Weekend = WIN!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Flatulence and fart babies...

So, a fellow blog buddy was inviting us to join a debate with the topics of her choosing and allow us to duke it out two by two. I was all set to go head to head on the topic I was given (admittedly, I didn't really stand a chance considering my first attempt was pro rather than the con I was assigned). However, I will never know. I went to attempt to sway myself from the opinion, I so convincingly convinced myself of the first time around (a daunting task on its own) when I discovered there would be no epic battle or debate as some of her followers took offense. Tis a shame.

Needless to say, I am going to post my original argument (the pro) as I never really got around to the con. It's been kind of busy this last week and a half, and I will probably not be posting in a while until this conference I've been working on is over. I can't wait. So, to my sparring partner, if you happen to read this post,  you will discover that I pretty much concede to you and your pro argument as well. I couldn't really convince myself of the cons because I did such a good job arguing for the pro...lawl.


This is an interesting topic to tackle, and I find myself conflicted on this issue. There’s a part of me that still giggles at fart jokes and let’s face it, when you have the power to clear out a room with a single poof, there’s a part of you that’s kind of proud. There are also those moments when you’ve been holding it in all day, for professional reasons, and the sweet release at the end of the day really brings about a sense of accomplishment and relief all bundled up in one gaseous ball of joy. There are also those low grumbly movements of gas and when released, it’s quite amusing to look around questionably with a slight look of fear in the eyes and simply state, bear?!

I suppose the real issue lies in the fact romantic partners may not find flatulence quite so entertaining nor take part in your celebrations of achievement. My mother once told me her farts smelled like roses, so there was no need to scoff when she was unable to hold in her “delicate bundles of gas,” and this was seriously what she called her farts; truth-fact. When I offered this explanation to one of my partners at their disdain of my outward expression of my flatulence and the sense of accomplishment that naturally came with it; they were not amused and proceeded to give me the stink-eye. There are definitely those moments where even my own eyes would water at the stench and vileness, but part of me is still pretty impressed at how fast a room empties out. These usually bring up comments like, “what did you have to eat today!?!?” or even “You should really get that checked out!” The second comment/question got me thinking how would that conversation go with your doctor? A little research revealed that these conversations actually do take place!

Doctor: How long have you noticed a problem with flatulence?

Underground Dude: Well, I think problem is kind of a strong word. Don’t you? It is, after-all, a natural bodily function. Quite frankly, I think the actual problem lies in the fact we’re not willing to talk or dialogue about it. We’re so quick to exit the room when it comes up―well, I suppose that terminology isn't really accurate―so, when it comes out the bum we should embrace flatulence rather than fear it.

Doctor: What about the frequency and volume of flatus?

Underground Dude: I don’t know maybe about a dozen times a day. I count the bigger more impressive ones twice though.

Doctor: That sounds about normal. Do you swallow air often?

Underground Dude: What!?

Doctor: Swallowed air is the major source of gas in the upper gastrointestinal tract. In most cases of excessive belching and excessive flatulence there is no underlying pathology and the situation probably represents an acquired habit.

Underground Dude: Wait a minute, you’re telling me I can swallow air and this would induce my very own fart babies? Air is unscented; therefore, these fart babies would be unscented. OR, what if I were to swallow air whilst spraying a minty fresh mist or even a rose flavored spray. MY GOD! My mother very well may have had rose scented gas…IT IS POSSIBLE!

Doctor: That’s not quite where I was going with that, you see—

Underground Dude: That’s all I needed to know Doc! I think you may have just saved my love life!
So, now I can still entertain myself and giggle at flatulence without offending my future romantic prospect or mate’s sense of smell!

Alright, alright. Maybe not; However, the time in a relationship when both parties are so comfortable with each other that it’s o.k. to let one go and it doesn’t signal the end of the world/relationship. When that sweet yet bitter release comes without severe repercussion (sure, they may scowl at some of your gas products that come with a particular vile stench, but there is always laughter to follow); it's a beautiful thing. It’s even more beautiful when you’re so comfortable, you engage in a competition to see who can have the cutest fart baby.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Thursday is tracks night...

O.K., so I realize that it is Friday and not Thursday. It has been crazy busy at work this week between teaching and planning a conference set to go off next week, it's been hard to find some extra time. Really, I lost track of what day it was and completely forgot yesterday was Thursday in all the insanity.

The track I bring to you this week is a fun little ditty from Fol Chen. They have two albums out, and they just happen to be concept albums. The story behind the concept involves John Shade, a representation of evil; muah hah hah hah! Hopefully that and the sample below is enough to entice you to check out more of their stuff. I would love to write more about this, but I am pressed for time and should really be working on that conference planning stuff. So, please check them out and if you like what you hear, the albums are well worth the purchase. The albums also stand on their own and can be enjoyable even without the concept story in mind. The hook in this song Cable TV is both infectious and just downright delightful. Some clever lyrics, and the be-boop music accompaniment will surely brighten your day and put a smile on your face. Enjoy!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Beware of Snownadoes

A few years back when I was doing my undergraduate studies at Minnesota State University-Mankato, I was told that there were these things called snownadoes.

Naturally, I was horrified! I had already been traumatized by the fact I was greeted by a tornado on one of the first few days after I had moved to the state. I lived in a town, St. Peter, that was about 15 miles away from Mankato. So, there I was, hunched over in the corner of my basement with the rest of the tenants in my apartment building. It was a great bonding moment for us. Of course, that may have had to do more with the fact they had to listen to me spaz out and go crazian on the phone with a former instructor who suggested Mankato was the place for me. During and after this phone call, loud thuds and clangs could be heard as if we were surrounded by a herd of drunken elephants using the building to support and correct their staggering, the power went out, and I was sure the building was coming down.

I cursed his name and yes, there were tears involved...HEY! My life flashed before my eyes people! Don't judge. My neighbors, who I had just met moments before, offered to hold me and comfort me for which I was grateful.

Needless to say, I was not a fan of tornadoes. So, imagine my horror, HORROR I SAY! when some of friends started explaining that Minnesota was a land where bizarre and magical things happened in the winter. Snownadoes...WHAT!?!? You mean to tell me I have to worry about winter tornadoes! Magical, Shmagical!  Well, I went to my gender class all in a tizzy and apparently, I was quite pale since all the color had drained from my face at the blood shed and massacre that was occurring in the scenario playing out in my head. A fellow class mate asked me if I was okay. NO I WAS NOT! I explained how I just learned about the snownadoes and the aforementioned scenario, which involved ice shard projectiles and ice balls that bludgeoned. My class mates mocked...they laughed... and pointed.

Apparently snownadoes didn't exist and I was had. My friends often made up lies to tell me just to see if I would believe them. It was a running game amongst my team members.

Well, guess what gentle readers. This just in: they DO exist!

Apparently this winter is now being referred to as the snowpocalypse and people are freaking out all over the country, especially in the Midwest. Well, if I had to deal with ice weapons being flung at me by mother nature wreaking havoc and creating a frozen hell on Earth, I too would be flipping out. She is pissed off!!! If we're not careful, we're going to be dealing with another ice age. I'm telling you! We need to start recycling, trade in your car for a smart car or electric. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLANT A FRACKING TREE! REPENT! REPENT! RE...wait, what?

Ahem...sorry, the snowpocalypse brings out the worst in me. Did I mention snownadoes horrify me? The sub-freezing temperatures (not enough to close school mind you even though every other region surrounding me has shut down completely) and the uncanny gusts of never-ending wind (ice weapons!) is enough to make me want to assume the fetal position and whimper "hold me" to anyone who happens to be near by. 

Well, gentle readers, wherever you may be...I urge you to beware of the snownadoes and may we all get through this snowpocalypse...

So say we all.
(I've recently been watching a lot of BSG, so forgive my references)

I'm gonna end this post with another photo of a drunken elephant because it makes me smile.